We are expected to act as if nothing happened. Not only that, but we are expected to lay still, sit in silence and take being gutted, defecated on, demoralized, and humiliated as our abusers try and destroy what is left; AND that’s exactly where we will find the strength in the nightmare we survived to create a movement by telling our story a little louder, bringing attention to everything they are trying to hide and the injustice victims face.
Everyone knows Dr. Ford was attacked, but as a nation we watched her scrutinized, her life threatened and integrity questioned, which is what I am currently going through. My abuser is a white man with a large bank account which he rather use to try and destroy me all for the sake of keeping his facade in place versus trying to resolve issues in a civil manner.
Onward…A friend’s comment in response to the above photo I posted spells out what victims go through, and what she said resonates.
“This post has nothing to do with voting, or political preferences…. it’s about a woman who is being condemned and scrutinized for her body language around someone who taunted, harassed, and ridiculed her. Although I guess that’s the other side… no one sees the victim they just see the results and new behaviors.”
I thought this post was a fantastic way to end this chapter of my blogging. My abuser is irrelevant to me, and I rather focus on what I can do to help change how society treats victims of abuse. I have to be honest that continuing to depict the nightmare I survived is keeping contact with the abuser, and since he’s become extremely aggressive, I need to cut the cord. His behavior has ramped up since he started a relationship with a new vagina/supplier so the need to play the victim has escalated. It’s feeding her hungry heart to feel special and feel she’s the one, just as I did. What she doesn’t know yet is that soon she will lose her novelty, and it will be moments like the ones she is relishing she will soon try to get back to. I know because that’s what being with him is like. Just as I was trapped she will find herself trapped, questioning her sanity as the truth slowly seeps out, she will find herself so deep that she won’t be able to get out. Just as I wasn’t – In my case it took almost two years before I learned he lied about the timeline of his divorce. Essentially, I was the other woman without knowing it. I cringe at her behavior because it mirrors the desperation I felt, which drove my behavior. Based on my interaction with this person, I can say she is passive aggressive, extremely needy to be loved by a male figure and unwilling to feel discomfort – Her fate is sealed just as mine was…Ex wife was unstable and he was afraid of her. Now I’m unstable and he fears me…Okay! And with that..he’s now irrelevant and she’s special and it’s ALL my fault. Whatever…
We have a “president” gaslighting the nation and it has reached a point where most of us shake our heads, dumbfounded. They attack harder when they are threatened without realizing it only draws more attention to what they are trying to hide. In the end though, the universe has a way of working things out and I believe in truth prevailing, especially when liars can’t remember their last lie.
I was in disbelief the other day when I heard my voice on audio recordings of myself and the abuser as he was trying to convince me the bruises on my above my clavicle isn’t my neck but rather my shoulder. I heard the fear in my voice and my heart broke for me that someone had so much control over me, and what I needed to believe. It’s moments like those that I wish I could scrub his filth off me. It’s all I want. I hear my fear and it forces me to face what I survived so I ask myself, is it worth being visible to him since it’s obvious I’m still in his head. And then I think if he’s so off, what will he do when the house of cards come falling down. Will he act on his anger? Truth be told, I fear him and I am scared for my life and my kids life if he doesn’t get his way. He is completely disconnected to have the alternate reality in which he resides in and as time goes by, and the more he comes to term with having lost control over me, his viciousness becomes more and more lucid and that’s why I am scared.
Trump Claims His Approval Rating Would Be 75 Percent If Not For Mueller’s Investigation