I am a mom, a friend, a runner. I am somebody’s daughter. And on December 21, 2016, I became a victim of domestic violence for the first and last time – So that also makes me a survivor. The injuries I sustained from the abuser resulted in permanent inner ear damage and traumatic brain injury that have disabled me from living my life as I once knew it. I also suffer from PTSD. I am not allowed to get on a bike, can’t run more than a minute without having to stop because of nausea, can no longer drive, and these days, I barely leave my home.
At first, I chose to speak up and share because I was told not to. I was even told by one of his flying monkeys aka people who act on behalf of a narcissist usually for an abusive purpose, to get off a sport social media site, Strava, because I wasn’t an athlete, and was only there to “stalk” him (the abuser.)
My being on Strava and sharing my experience, despite my fears, is how I stand up to being bullied.
What is maddening, and reflective of the country’s current state, is the audacity to trivialize my injuries, experience, emotions, and chalking up the hardship my children and I are going through, to my being a jilted lover. Of course! Right? It has to be that because it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the violence I endured that led to my 12 weekly doctor’s appointments. Oh no! that would require the flying monkeys to do a little thinking that may interrupt their perfect world as they know it. It must be that I want more abuse because what I got wasn’t enough, so yeah, sure. Whatever the flying monkeys need to believe to justify choosing to be enablers since women usually ask for it, and I must have done something to deserve it. How silly of me. NOT. I feel sorry for this flying monkey since it appears she lacks enough intelligence and respect for herself, and women in general to chalk everything up to being jilted. I hope she seeks help.
Onward with what’s really important…We must begin to look at why victims of abuse are expected to look out for the perpetrators who hurt them. Why am I given the label of a jilted lover when I choose to break the silence. Why does society look upon me as someone who must be jealous of his new supply source. Why does society bully and victimize me a second time around because I choose to talk about the injustice that with the hope that I can help someone else so that they don’t suffer as I have. No, I am not jealous. I am GRATEFUL because my neurologist told me to be for being able to walk and talk. I am GRATEFUL to have escaped the violence alive. I am GRATEFUL to be sitting here without him. Jealous are those who aren’t strong enough and reconcile being enablers.
I can be held liable for what I am saying here so this isn’t about being jilted – It is about my choice to use this horrible incident to create change and the only way I see change taking place is to share my story and hope it’s easier for the next woman to share her story and bring the ugliness of what happens to victims to the surface so that it stops. Am I scared of him? Absolutely! I am scared of him and am scared of speaking out AND I refuse to be shamed a second time around by society or his flying monkeys who have the audacity to blame me for having been assaulted.
I have every right to be on Strava because I was there in 2012 but deleted my old account since I did not want any connection or memory to my abuser, and in creating a new life worth living, I established a new account to document my journey. I have no one who can save me but me and considering I have isolated myself to an unhealthy degree, I am establishing new relationships and asking for support and I learn to leave my house to walk. I have to break a sweat. I have to stop letting fear lead and the only way to do that is to be visible, challenge those who want to shame me, and do the opposite of what is expected of victim. That is the only way I will transform from being a surviving to thriving.
So, you (abuser) and your Flying Monkeys can kiss my ass – Stop stalking me and work on accepting you don’t own me anymore.
I registered for the GW Parkway, a 10 mile run, that takes place in April. Currently I can run less than a mile without getting symptomatic, but I am determined to at least be able to run part of the way since I will most likely will have to walk the majority. This was my race and I want it back – I want myself back!
https://www.strava.com/dashboard and http://www.vestasjourneytohappiness.com is where I hope to keep myself accountable. So far it’s been not so good, but I will keep trying because that’s all I can do.
StopShamingTheAbused.com, where you are, is a non profit that is in the making. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, what my sense of direction is or how I will go about accomplishing; all I know is that I have to do something to make a positive come from the ugliness of this nightmare and the deficits I am left with.
The site is not refined and has a way to go, AND I thank you for being on this journey with me, supporting me and helping me stand up to cowards, their flying monkeys, enablers and in the process bringing awareness and change to a broken system that only enables the cowards!