Despite the accusations my intent was never to be vocal or publicize the abuse I endured. I started the blog to address the lies I knew were being told. It was my way of outing what he was telling me so his ex wife and mutual friends knew what he was leading me to believe. After his arrest he established a blog professing his love. The original blog was http://www.ifzelelse.wordpress.com – I copied it and the content can be found on http://www.wwmvh.wordpress.com. He used the site as a way to express his feelings when he was not allowed to contact me. But deep down something told me it was not sincere and a way to further confuse me and try to convince me to drop the charges. Sure enough the moment I brought it to light on this blog he changed the setting to private because he suddenly had to explain his actions to everyone he had lied to about the circumstances behind the assault. He also established a Spotify list to further communicate his feelings.
Sadly, like so many other women in abusive relationships I went back and forth for 7 months until I had enough. I enrolled in a 4 week day program to deprogram myself and cut all contact with him. I had tried many times during the 7 months. The numerous emails asking to be left alone speak for themselves.
I now understand the reason I wasn’t able to leave early on when the red flags were flashing in my face was the trauma bond that is created early on. Talking about it is an important part of healing but he has taken extreme steps in trying to silence me, hence continuing the abuse.
This is my story and he will never ever again dictate what I feel or think.
To be continued…