It was a FANTASTIC day yesterday so I’m going to go with it!!!!
Since last May I have debated taking a break from blogging – It’s a double edge sword since blogging has been incredibly helpful in my healing process, AND it’s also continuing contact with the abuser, and in order to get better, I have to work on cutting as much contact as possible, which is impossible to accomplish 100%, considering our legal entanglements. Still, I need to work a little harder at putting him out of my life, where I can. Each time I deleted posts or changed the mode of the blog to private, he or his posse would bully. It started with the May 5th “anonymous” message, which intent was to intimidate me when the sender made subtle suggestions that I would be publicly shamed if I did not remove my posts. When that failed, another “anonymous” individual began to aggressively badger me, and since I refuse to be bullied, I took my posts out of the trash bin and reposted.
When all that failed, came bullying tactics using the system – No way was I going to give in to their bullying strategy because I believed, and still believe I will prevail since I am not lying nor guilty of anything I have been accused of .
Reality is that life has been painful because physically I am nothing like I was nor will I ever be. I was broken by the abuser – he caused MAJOR/SEVERE traumatic brain injury along with a long list of other irreversible injuries, and despite knowing the extent of the damages he caused, he and his ex wife chose to intentionally take action with the intent to bully and intimidate, hoping to silence me – they chose to use the system to try and batter me knowing how fragile my health was. My children hurt because they have been robbed of their mother, and for that I will never forgive them.
Their actions have interrupted my rehab as the unnecessary stress has kept the trauma alive forcing me to stop trauma work – Everything I am saying or have said about my medical injuries is documented and part of our public file along with other motions and pleadings, which I sincerely hope the abuser and ex wife go to the courthouse to get copies and read.
The abuser chose to ignore test results and doctors notes that he had, and instead pedaled away and worked hard on finding a new supplier to help validify his illusion of himself. While I no longer have the option to ride a bike, ski, hike, run, go on road trips or to 7/11 at midnight because I’m in the mood for a kit kat, he’s boasting to the world what a great life he is having, AND I am sincerely grateful for his desire to to gloat and share. I view it as a godsend because it speaks for itself and who he is. Nuff said.
I am grateful to have a wonderful attorney who is going to see me through the end of this battle. I will forever be grateful to him, his selflessness and generosity in the sacrifices he’s making to represent me. I am grateful for my doctors who continue to cheer me on and remind me of my strength when I don’t have any more in me. I am grateful for having the most wonderful children in the world who give me a reason to keep trying – My heart breaks each time they ask when I am going to get better –
The abuser and posse have been ruthless in the tactics they employed hoping to silence me, but I stood strong and am proud of myself for that. Despite the fear I felt and still feel, I chose to stand up because I know I am not lying and I know truth will prevail. Facts and evidence always trump noise…Believing that keeps me going.
I am grateful, hopeful and feel a sense of peace, and feel I can now walk away for a little while because it’s on my terms. I will never ever allow him or anyone else to muzzle me. I will never be silenced again – It is my story and I intend to share it and hope that it helps others, shift attitude towards victims of abuse, and work to bring change in policy and attitude so that what happens to me never ever happens to anyone else. Not sure how yet, but it’s time to focus on other aspects!