I have gone through every emotion possible in the last 2 plus years, transitioning from anger since sitting with the pain was too much to endure to wanting the entire world to know his name so that he could face what he did to acceptance, back to anger and round and round and round.
I’ve evolved since then and recognize even thinking, let alone saying his name is continuing contact and I do not want to be connected to him in anyway because it’s retraumatizing – When I say I want a lobotomy to erase him, I really wish it was an option! I wish there was a magic pill that could erase every memory of the perpetrator. In the meantime, I have begun to place all of his/our photos in one file waiting for the day that I can hit delete and never see his evil face again. His love letters and cards are in an envelope and next time I see my lawyer, I plan to leave them with him and he can toss it for all I care once we win our cases.
The perpetrator is a coward, a barbaric animal whose name is not worth saying. I don’t even like saying my abuser, or the abuser because that is still too connected to me. He is and will forever be the perpetrator who was so violent with me he caused major brain injury. Most people have mild traumatic brain injury so imagine the amount of force he used to cause the damages that he caused – Major/severe brain trauma is no joke, especially when your neurologist tell you, you are lucky to be walking and talking. The amount of damage he caused my right ear is equivalent to what war veterans experience. I thought reality would have hit home by now and he’d let me move on so I could continue rehab and trauma work, and give my brain the rest it needs from the turbulence, but I was wrong. Maybe in the spring.
The sort of person that causes such severe injuries, and continues to be so obsessed with trying and control me as he goes on with his life, without an ounce of remorse, pursuing women, smiling, posting selfies of all of the fun travels and activities he is doing, demonstrates his inability to assume responsibility for his actions, and speaks to who he is at the core of his being. He is skin, bones and flesh, an emotionally disconnected and inept violent criminal, a perpetrator without a conscious or care for the damage he caused another human being and her family. Very similar to 45 who has gaslighted a nation and is so controlling and obsessed with his facade, he threatened Saturday Night Live a couple of days ago with a federal investigation because they mock him. The comparison is eerie.
New Zealand Mass Shooter Will Have Justice
New Zealand Mass Shooter Will Have Justice but Not Infamy: ‘We Will Give Him Nothing. Not Even His Name.’